Planning Thoughtfulness

I was completely humbled by the thoughtfulness of my friend the other day. I wanted to share how one person I know found a way to take her pain and instead of holding on to it, she found a way to bless others through it, sometimes without them even knowing.

I was sharing with her that someone very close to me was grieving from a personal loss that occurred years ago and how I didn't even acknowledge or remember. That I felt sorry for how I had gone about my day while they were silently mourning. It wasn't until the next evening while in conversation, that I had even realized what I had done, and what they were going through.

She said, "you cannot make that mistake again. You need to write it down in a calendar."

In a calendar? I stood there my very logical, analytical brain trying to picture what she's talking about.

"That's kind of a strange thing to write down, besides don't you usually just get rid of a calendar at the end of the year?"

"I'll just put it in mine and I'll remind you. What's the date?"

I stood there confused thinking, "Why would she do that?" So of course I asked.

Mind you, I have known this woman for about 25 years now. I always knew she was a thoughtful and sweet person, but I never knew she had this sort of "caring" calendar, if you will, that she keeps.

She explained how she documents the usual, birthdays and anniversaries. But what is different about her calendar is, she records the dates of life changing events that happen to close friends (such as the loss of a loved one) because she knows what it is like to have those emotional days that keep reoccurring year after year and she tries to check in with friends or at least be sensitive to how they may be feeling that day.

There may be those of you out there that do this, but as for me, I had never heard of this not regrettably has it even occured to me. She has made it a ministry to care, with intent and planning for her dear friends. What a beautiful thing to do for them, such devotion.

After we had this conversation, it finally occurred to me.

Twenty-four years ago I lost my son when he was just days old. Each year I go on his birthday to visit him. There are times I have gone and I can see that someone has already been there and left flowers. I have stood there wondering, "who would have done this?" Besides my mom (because mom's never forget their children's pain) who lives out of state, I didn't think anyone else remembered.

So, I asked if it was her.

She smiled, "yes."